up yours, kevin seconds

· 29/12/11 · 5 · Reblog


I know this guy. A great dude, writer and songwriter. I’ve known him a long time and I consider him a friend. 

He’s had a tough run these past 5 or so years and he’s filled me in on some of what he’s been through and I absolutely sympathize and have done what I could to listen and be supportive. When things started to turn around and go good for him, I was as happy and relieved about it as anyone else could have been. I was just glad to hear that the guy had found some happiness and inner peace in his life after going through so much bullshit.

I’ve often said to quite a few folks that I think he’s one of the more talented songwriters in these parts and for many years, I’ve watched his sets, listened to his online-posted tunes and have even booked him to perform live at one local venue or another. 

But here’s the thing. In the last year or so, every time I see him, he does this thing where, pretty much anytime I run into him in public, we exchange pleasantries and when the time comes for me to mention what I’ve got coming up, gigs and what-not,  he says something like, “well, book me on one of your shows sometimes. i’m dying to play” and I basically do what I do with anybody who says this - I nod, say something like, “yeah, sure. sounds good.” and I go back to whatever it was I was doing.

Recently, he’s been posting these snarky comments on event pages i’ve made on Facebook that I invited him on, where he basically goes out of his way to let me and everyone else reading know that, while he likes some of the other people playing on the bill of the event I’ve created, he is passing on going to the event, for one reason or another. It’s the weirdest, most awkward goddamned form of protest, really.

But, i get it.

See, he’s doing this because he’s a performer in Sacramento who doesn’t play all that much and he views me as a performer in Sacramento who plays all too much and I can’t really argue that point. I do play a lot here in town and I’ve gone back and forth over how I feel about doing so which I won’t address here right now. So, when he posts his snarky little barbs (and make no mistake, they ARE barbs, despite him trying to pass them off as a joke or whatever), he’s basically giving me a little flick in the nose for booking yet another gig and not inviting him to play on it.

In his most recent dig, another local singer-songwriter had apparently  invited him to come to upcoming January 7th show and his response was: ‘love to go (XXXXX), but I’m BOYCOTTING Kevin’s shows until he invites me to play one of his bills’.

And I responded in equally snarky fashion, ‘which won’t happen’.

Honestly, I *WAS* joking but I didn’t appreciate him putting me on the spot as he did. It’s tacky, petty and it doesn’t reflect that he likes and/or respects me all that much.

After that, he basically claimed that he was joking in his initial response and then preceded to accuse me of being passive-aggressive with him when I should just (since I don’t like him….his words) tell him that I basically think he sucks and doesn’t fit into my ‘chummy little scene here in Sacramento’.

Anyway, like I said, I don’t believe he was joking at all. I know him to be a pretty embittered, opinionated guy when it comes to his perceived place in the local music scene and he does have a legit gripe. I just don’t know what I can do about it.

During any given day, I get hit up by people, for something or another. Interviews, gigs, songs for compilations, benefit show requests….a lot of music-related people want me to do something with or for them and I’m pretty ok with it. If I can, i will. If it works out, i’ll help make it work out. 

When the time comes to try and figure out what sort of show i’d like to play the next time I play in my hometown, I consider all options. I really do. Sometimes, someone i know from another city  is trying to play in Sacramento and hits me up for a show. Sometimes, I see a musician or band play elsewhere that blows me away and I invite them to come play with me. Sometimes, and probably more often than not, I run into a musician friend who i thoroughly enjoy both musically AND personally, reflect on what fun the shows we play together almost always are and hit them up to play with me.

This friend of mine has probably mentioned 10 times to me that he would like me to book him on one of my shows and like I do most things, i considered it. at least i did, up until recently.  As mentioned, I think this guy is a great songwriter. He really knows how to put words and melodies together. In a good, fair world, he’d be rich from what he can do with words and music. I mean that.

But in 15 years, I’ve seen him perform well over 20 times and, while I enjoy the songs he makes, I don’t always enjoy his live performance. There’s just something off and missing when he plays and sings and I can’t quite put my finger on it. His guitar playing seems decent and his voice, while at times, a little too piercing and ‘from the throat’-y, is pleasant enough but overall, he just never seems well-prepared to play in front of a live audience and during his set, he seems to be more focused on scanning the crowd for reaction than just loving what he’s creating and sharing it with an audience.

I know that it is nerve-wracking to get up there and play your shit in front of people. Few people in Sacramento have nurtured and supporter singer-songwriters in recent years as much as I have, this particular friend, included. But all too often, this guy seems like he’s just been so beaten and weighted down by the shittiness of life, he can barely appreciate the gifts and talents he possesses or the friends and supporters he does have. I can’t say that I dislike him as a performer, I don’t. He just sometimes makes me feel uncomfortable and nervous for him and it’s hard to get excited about what he does when it comes to live shows.

I don’t claim to be an expert on talent but I know what I look for in songs and in performers. I’ve booked live music at several area venues and have hosted my share of open mics in Sacramento, 5 of them off the top of my head, that were arguably some of the best weekly open mics my hometown has ever seen, with some of the most amazing and inspirational musicians, singers, songwriters and performers I have ever witnessed.

I’ve been around.

As a performer, I know that I’m about as scrappy and un-polished as they come and most certainly, an acquired taste for many. It’s never been about the most notes or chords or frills and it definitely has nothing to do with perfection. I love flaws and quirks and rawness and I love when a performer shows the human part to the performance. Make mistakes all the fuck you need to, forget words and key changes, no a big deal.

But show spark and let your love for what propels you as a musician, especially a performing songwriter flow out of your asshole like a righteous river of scalding diarrhea. If you can’t give something to an audience, at least “own” parts of them with passion and conviction.

Anyway, this was written in response to a much bigger piece this friend posted on his own blog last night. I hadn’t meant to critique him in public as that is not really for me to do. But he accused me of more or less pulling my punches and questioned my honesty so I felt compelled to put this down in writing.  

I don’t know if this means we are now NOT friends and I will not be putting a ton of thought into what I can do to make this friend feel better about me or about his standing in the local music community.

I don’t like that he thinks that I don’t like him.  Then again, I don’t completely believe that he thinks that I don’t. 

  1. kevinseconds posted this