Pre-gig Saturday. In other words, I’m not all dressed up but i have plenty to do and somewhere to be soon. And later tonight, i will be hanging out at some local cafe, watching other singer-songwriters play and sing to their friends and hopefully some of mine.
I’ll try and key in to clever lyrics and ball-catching melodies that i’ll maybe think about stealing for some new song of my own. Then i’ll wander outside when the anxiety kicks in to a small roar and be glad to see someone i know and like.
I’m sure i’ll over-think not fucking up during my set and a song will come to mind to play that i haven’t thought about in months. That usually always happens.
Inevitably, i’ll make up a setlist at the venue, an hour before the set. Or maybe i’ll just pick one out of the many old lists that sit at the bottom of my guitar case, like picking from the pocket of ghosts from gigs long gone.
I’ll just do what i mostly always do and try and make a little beauty out of an awfully big train wreck.
I will drink another cup of coffee, even though i’ve gone overboard with the caffeine already. I will check the time on my phone but try not doing it where anybody can see me.
I will try and feel grateful and happy and be polite with acquaintances and not come off like a dick.
I’ll sing up a storm and slice the tips of my fingers on my guitar strings and another live crowd will applaud politely but not totally understand what it is they’re cheering me on for.
These words make me sound a little cynical and if i’m being completely, I am.
These days, I have little to no expectations and my only real hope is that I will become entertained during the show and not feel regret over it later.
You would think that this would be easier now that i’ve done this a thousand and fifteen times before and once i’m up there playing, it usually gets that way.
But the hours and minutes leading up to the show is always a mindfuck, part-cock-strut and part scared rabbit.
If it got any easier, at this stage of the game, it would almost feel bizarre and foreign.
